So, Vy and I went to Greece. We had a really good time. Here are the picture from that really good time we had. We were there during the protests regarding the financial crisis. The Germans were pushing the Greeks hard to do what the Germans wanted. It was, of course, all rich people bullshit. It’s always funny when rich people get indignant and forget that their power comes from tricking people into buying things and tricking people into fighting wars. Germany having a hissy fit over Greece’s generous retirement plans only pissed Greek citizens off. At least we got to see the hypocrisy of the EU in full force. The rich cunts usually keep themselves and their bullshit opinions hidden.
We arrived in Greece right as the financial crisis was coming to a roiling boil. The protests in Syntagma Square popped off five blocks down from where we were staying. That doesn’t make us cooler than you, but it was neat to be in a place at a time like that. These folks are waiting for an ATM. Like suckers. Go ahead and play the banks’ game. Schlob down on that knob and see where it gets you.
Vy is enjoying a frosty beverage after having walked her ass off all morning on the way up to The Parthenon. I think it was strawberry lemonade ice or something.
A view down from the entrance of The Parthenon looking back down the path. It’s a little stadium thing for plays or something something something.
Columns. Greek columns.
Vy is surprised.
The day we walked up to The Parthenon was only slightly cloudy. The sky was about as blue as it can get. It was sunny as fuck, too. I caught a little bit and had some slightly uncomfortable (only slightly!) shoulders that evening, but I managed to mainly cover up. All in all, could have been waaaaay worse.
Vy and some columns. Shit looked sharp.
Vy didn’t want to stand here, but I made her. It was great. I have husband powers.
This is a view of the Erechtheion from the back. Those are the Caryatids pretending to be columns. They’re pretty great.
Vy with some columns in the background.
Apparently, there are columns in the Greece.
Yay! Vy was pretty excited to see all that Greek biz.
I don’t blame Vy for being jazzed. This shit is amazing to see no matter what. If things this old, big, beatiful and complex don’t wow you, you can fuck off.
This is about where Athena and Posiedon were supposed to have their little “god-off” wherein Athena won stewardship of Athens by demonstrating that her olive tree was mo’ better than Posiedon’s font.
You can see the Caryatids in the background.
This is a plaque at the base of a small raised platform that hosts the Greek flag. When the Nazis ordered the dude guarding this flag to take it down, he hoisted it down, wrapped himself in it and then killed himself.
After the Nazis put up their flag, two boys snuck in and traded it for a Greek flag. That’s some Nationalism, for you. It’s always better to be willing to die for something than to be willing to kill for something.
From the Acropolis you can see the city sprawling out toward the mountains. Sort of on the rightish side you can see that big, flat rectangle. That’s the old Zeus temple.
Another shot of Zeus’ temple.
Vy’s butt and the Parthenon.
A fish man. Maybe Posiedon. Maybe just a buddy of Posiedon.
My underwear and the Parthenon.
The Acropolis from the Areopagus.
With Vy, now.
This dude sold Vy a ring. This dude is the fucking dude.
He certainly hung ten with the best of them.
This is for offerings for the dead. It’s a water-filled hole with a bowl carved into solid stone. I wonder how they drained it in the day? Surely, people just hunked stuff into the hole and burned it or something?
Zeus? Probably. Some lover from long ago still leaves a single rose by his shrine on the regular.
The Kaiser’s corpse covers a sewer drain.
This is a temple to Ares, I think. I can’t remember. It was pretty cool. The whole area around the Acropolis is a huge tangle of temples and relics and statues and monuments. It’s too bad people can’t look at shit like this and know that this is the shit that makes a society super rad. Why isn’t America building shit like this? Fucking cowards.
This tree is rad. It’s got a thing going on.
This is not what I ordered.
This is what I ordered. So fucking delivcious.
Vy’s meaty stuff. She flipped out.
Best fries in the world.
More people waiting in line at ATMs. Fucking sheep.
Vy flipped her tits for this. She just likes meat. Simple as that.
This mannequin is of some future race of human giants. I don’t get it. I’ve never seen a human shaped like this before.
When Vy is in town, no pigeon is safe.
We met these guys our second day. They ran a small cafe in Athens. They had just opened and were still figuring out what they were going to do. They were rad and really nice. Chain-smoking and talking about politics for 2 hours. My kind of people.
This was their dog.
He was cute.
Vy hadn’t seen a puppy in several weeks and was having withdrawls.
An Archway! It leads into Zeus’ wrecked-ass temple.
This mantis prays to Zeus.
He was a baby!
Pay no mind to how hairy my wife’s knuckles are.
This was once the biggest temple in all of Athens.
It used to house a giant Zeus statue that was as tall as these columns. That shit was stolen, though.
Some barbarians raided and took all the shiny shit.
Eventually, a Christian emporor took over and, much like an old-timey ISIS, destroyed beautiful, old monuments because he didn’t agree with their religious beliefs. Yay! Fucking Christian idiots.
Christians also ruined statues and temples all over town. They did this again and again and again. Fuck barbarians. Oh, also Barbarians ruined some shit. Actual Barbarians, not Christians.
Beavis and Butthead are still a thing in Greece?
On our way to the car museum we saw Herbie.
My wife’s butt.
A Rolls-Royce, close up.
Super cool finish for a car, right?
The car museum was pretty cool. They were all so shiny and had all sorts of knobs and ornaments and crap. Modern cars are rubbish.
This is Robert Fucking Plant’s Chrysler Imperial!
Robert Plant grasped this very wheel!
He probably caressed these fins!
Vy’s pretty excited.
Why can’t everybody just drive these? Like, forever.
I would love to have one of these if it wasn’t made by a company who used enslaved Jews during WWII. Fuck BMW. Cunts.
This is what the future was supposed to look like in the 90s.
This is a bike designed to help identify rapists. If the person you’re going on a date with shows up riding this, they will try to rape you. No doubt.
This bike is cool looking. I think it’s Greek made? There were a lot of plaques in this so-called Hellenistic Car Museum that seemed to suggest that Greece had a huge hand in the car industry. I don’t see it. Maybe Greek cars were really big in Greece?
Vy had just watched Mad Max and was pumped to be so close to an actual Mad Max car.
Cool! I’d drive one of these.
Three wheels. Tips over easily. Can’t drive in snow or really anything that isn’t flat and ideal. Great job.
One wheel in front. They’re really shaking things up.
This is what the future looked like in Total Recall, starring Arnold Schwarzenpfeffer.
I think this is a Lamborghini.
A…Maserati. I’d never seen one before. To my knowledge anyway.
Lamborghini. Super 80s style.
This is a rad-looking car. I’ve never seen a Lamborghini and wanted it, but this one looks pretty kick-ass.
This is a tour of all the Ding-Dongs in the Greek Statue Museum.
Knees. Not ding-dongs. But check out that knee definition! This dude must constantly do squats!
This lady must have pissed off one of the gods. She is a monster.
Glob! Look at that foot!
This dude, too.
Probably in agony.
Nice nose, nose-haver.
A time-line. It’s strange, because I could have sworn that humans were only 5000 years old, yet here’s a timeline that goes back quite a bit farther than that. Maybe Baby Jesus lied to me?
I don’t get this dude’s deal.
This dude’s deal, I get. This is what Thor VP would look like if he were turned into a snake-beast.
Who carves cloth? Who? That’s fucking insane.
Pretty taught sack, brother.
The skin looks crazy real up close.
This is terror on hooves. An eyeless horse ridden by a one-eyed boy.
Surely, they have come for your intestines to gird themselves in.
This lady. Probably Athena. Could be Minerva.
Wait. We’re trusting this goofy fucking lion to handle our drainage issues? No. No way.
This guy was listening to No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” right when the sculptor made this statue. Embarrassing.
Balls of steel. Check out the coifed pubes, too.
Also scary. That shit comes out of the water, I will abandon my children and run.
Veins! They carved veins!
A dude. With an untamed beard.
Look at this smug, little fucker.
You think you’re so god’am great.
This is supposed to be Brutus, I think? Maybe Kaiser? I can’t remember. But he looks like a Ghoul from Fallout. The years have not been kind. That said, look at the detail on that face! It’s so amazing!
She hits this dude with her sandal. That detail is real. It’s in the story.
Then she calls her army of flying babies to tear the demon’s horns out by the roots and relieve him of his flesh. It’s gorier than veteran butcher could imagine. Her nipples are innies.
You’re done, man. Give it up. Lay down. You’re done.
This is Augustus.
This is Octavia. If you don’t know who that is, you should watch HBO’s Rome. Not that that show will help you know much about the characters from that time in reality, but it’s a neat show and she’s a character in it. A real broad.
This dude’s hair took at least an hour.
This is what Chris will look like when he’s old.
A stadium that was important for some reason or another.
Wake. The Fuck. Up.
David Bowie Dog.
Vy at the brand new antiquities museum in Athens. It’s fucking awesome. Well worth the trip.
Vy and the original Caryatids.
Vy sees some food.
All the hair-style on the statues were different.
What the Parthenon originally looked like. Before, you know, bullshit wars started by rich people and Christians got to them.
It was, apparently, good. By said the seafood in general was amazing.
Cool buildings. The building on the right was super Fallout-looking. It’s floors had caved in and it was definitely filled with loot. It was an old Mechanic’s shop.
An old store or something. Giant numbers are rad.
Pay toilets should never smell awful. What’s the point? If I pay for a toilet and it is disgusting I am not going to be happy. In fact, I’ll consider the 50 cents, or whatever, as an entry fee for an opportunity to shit on the floor of a private room. And in the sink. Because fuck you. Toilets should be free. And pay toilets should be immaculate.
Some ding-dong and pube coiffery.
oooh, yeah. Rub them nips.
Pube-stylist. Real job in ancient Greece.
This guy must have either taken the coldest shower in the history of man or been really, really frightened by something.
This guy’s beard and sack are fighting for coolest artistic feature.
Home Masturbation device.
Come with me! I know the way!
Face with beard.
This tree protests.
Greek traffic lights are the best traffic lights.