on February 28, 2016
Here is a compilation of all photo series featuring Chris during his time in Vietnam. Drink it in.
This is a dog that we took a picture of right after Chris left because it looked like Chris and it made us sad.
This is Chris’ spirit animal.
This is a fucking hippopotamus.
This is a crocodile.
Chris pondering Asiatic Black Bears.
Some deer or something.
Enjoying some Banh Mi from the self-proclaimed “Banh Mi Queen”. She actually did make the best Banh Mi I’ve ever had. So…
Chris thinking about Banh Mi.
Vy thinking about Banh Mi.
Chris smoking. Chris’ smoking got out of hand in Vietnam. What with the cheapness of cigarettes, there, the allure was just too much. Suffice to say, he smoked enough for 3 lifetimes. Well, three smoker’s lifetimes, which is equal to 3/4 of a regular person’s lifetime.
Pointing is RUDE!
Vy cruelly hassling the Banh Mi Queen.
The first sandwich, royally prepared and divinely blessed.
The Banh Mi Queen’s tools and materials.
Sandwich detail.
The proof.
A tree in Hoi An.
Walking down some alleys in Hoi An.
Josh checking some alleys out.
Hoi An.
This lady couldn’t believe whatever shit we were peddling.
Ruins in My Son.
Chris at My Son.
Vy at My Son.
Chris and Vy at My Son.
A thing.
A crumbling temple.
Some Sanscrit biz.
This goofy motherfucker.
A temple falling into disrepair.
Check out these columns. The one on the right is purposefully unfinished. The builders always left one thing unfinished to demonstrate in their actions how nothing is ever complete and everything is in a state of change.
This is a dick. It used to be up on top of a temple, but the authorities pulled it down. Presumably because they were overcome with hunger for cock.
Some temple guardians.
This might be a lady with a moustache or a dude. It’s hard to tell. Sexy either way.
Seriously, help me to decide.
Is this a dude or a dude that looks like a lady?
Demon face.
More demon face.
And more.
And yet more.
The final demon face. Probably.
A temple felled by a bomb. Probably a south Vietnamese bomb. Or an American bomb given to the South Vietnamese. Or just an American bomb launched by Americans. It’s hard to tell. One thing’s for sure: war makes sense and it’s great!
I ignored an older Australian who tried to tell me to watch my language in this cafe. I did, however, increase the frequency of my use of the word “fuck” after he condescended to inform me how his wife was too delicate to hear our vulgarity, so maybe it isn’t fair to say I ignored him.
Waiting next to the rubble of what I can only assume is a rice factory. I’m no racist, “com” means rice in Vietnamese.
Josh goes first.
Then Vy.
From off the top of a mountain temple
Around this temple mountain thing.
Vy’s reflection in the pond.
So many statues faces look like methed out disney characters.
The tallest pagoda on the mountain.
Some lotus moulding detail.
This Buddha is big. Someone tried to blow it up, but the Buddha was unharmed (as a monk told me). People were killed, but that’s cool. So, hey, everybody! Buddha’s okay with slaughter now! He’s protecting his statues, though. So if you want to try to blow those up, too, you can, but you will fail. Carnage, he will not prevent, though.
Some cool looking pallet piles.
This bird had feathers growing on his feet, which I’ve never seen. Believe you me, it took some chasing to get this picture.
Vy bumrushed me looking like an alien.
Thorny tree.
Tunnel biz.
More tunnel biz.
This statue is self-service. The user determines the pink to stink ratio.
Cave chilling.
More.
And more.
Some ancient scrawlings.
Some ancient carvings.
Josh making sure that Chris eats all the baby birds he paid him to eat. Chris will eat anything for 5 American dollars.
Raspberrying the gods.
Some weird desert plants growing on a mountain.
Chris scrambling down some safe steps.
Mountain greens.
This is a giant statue in a cave. It was neat. There was watering sprinkling down everywhere, but it wasn’t raining. It was like the bat cave except with a bunch of religious crap. And no Bat Vehicles or super computers. And there was only a mountain above us. No Wayne Manor. Obvisously, though. You knew that. I didn’t have to go into that sort of detail and, in fact, it probably bored you to read it. I imagine you’re getting tired of reading this. But, such is life. Such. Is. Life.
Water dribbles.
These guys making their way down the steps.
I had these sweaty motherfuckers stop for a photo.
Rent Boys: Street Prowling II.
Vy has spotted something scary.
This is the boat we rode on.
Chris. He’s on a boat.
Vy. She’s on a boat.
Chris. He’s in a suit.
This weird lady is checking his buttons. They didn’t get along, but Chris liked his suit.
This was the funkiest color they had.
Not too funky, but it’s a nice cut.
Josh getting some shirts made.
Josh demonstrating how monkeys stand.
Chris being the sheriff of a small Texas town. Don’t worry, now that he’s around, justice is going to have to dust off its ball gown. Because… he’s… gonna take it to prom. And they’re going all the way. Afterward. Oh, yeah. There will be law and order.
Me losing butt control and Chris regaining butt control.
Beach walking.
Chris on foreign shores.
Vy on native shores.
A metal dragon. Fucking white men.
Chris and Vy walking on that Dragon Bridge in Da Nang.
Chris and me!
Walking and talking.
Night moves.
Food carts and congregating are forbidden, is what this sign mobbed by people says.
The bridge spits fire at night.
Also, water.
Underwhelmed.
So, just…. underwhelmed.
Ooooh! I have to use the bathroom.
Recipe for Charlie’s birthday.
Josh and Yoon baking at a magic place for elves and wizards. or something.
Chris using his hands to mix poop. Josh told me a joke when he saw this photo. Here goes: what did the shit-fisted baker say? I “knead” a shit! It’s funny, but if you’re American, you need to understand that British people say “I need a shit” to mean, “I need to take a shit”. Americans use more words in this instance, which is rare.
So much baking.
There’s a turd-detail.
Discussing doll-making.
Doll-making.
Yoon’s detailed stitching was beautiful.
We’ve got, left to right, Yoon’s fox, Josh’s Nosferatu, Vy’s Lydia and my Pink Rock’n’Roll Wizard.
Birthday dinner. I had Dengue Fever really bad during this and was having difficulty staying awake.
Vy!
Vy….
Vy?
Trang and Chris.
Chris looking dramatic.
Trang, looking spastic.
Leo explaining how many finger he likes. You know.
Vy, but again.
Sleeping.
Sleeeping….
Sleeping…………
Sleeping……………..
The kids and I hanging out.
Chris interacting with the kids.
Diep!
Diep and a shitty dog named, “Coffee”.
Chris showing Tri how to play role-playing games on an iPad.
Ms. Ngoc and Ms. Chau out at Cu Chi.
Chris had some really amazing veal here. I think everyone did. He and Vy flipped out about the meat, though.
A cute puppy.
See. Cute.
The man in the black pajamas.
Chris, Chau and Vy. And some dummies.
Vy, Chau and Ngoc. Also, Chris photo bombing.
Chris, born tunnel rat.
Charlie, too tall to live in a tunnel.
Probably saying some stupid crap.
Our guide was tired of seeing us.
Crawling through a tunnel is harder than it sounds.
This shit was tiny.
Vy squishes in pretty comfortably, but she’s tiny.
Vy took forever to go in.
I was born, fully grown, emerging from the earth able to speak English.
Chris was farted out earth’s poophole, which was really close to the birth hole. The earth has a cloaca. Which is gross.
Vy emerges. Definitely out the pee hole.
Doctor: We need a genital massage, STAT!
This is how I travel in Vietnam. This is an exhibit in a museum dedicated to how great I am.
Plotting.
Emerging into the sunlight once again.
An almost completely disintegrated leaf.
Pee-Wee.
Pee-Wee always looks this scared. He’s a puss.
Vy while I had Dengue Fever.
Chris, while I had Dengue Fever.
Me, with Dengue Fever.
Sleeping with Dengue Fever.
This is my borthday, again. I still have Dengue Fever.
Yay!
Chris is chilling HARD.
Yoon, just before she had Theo!
Josh, just before he had Theo!
The ceiling at that wizard cafe.
See. Super preggers.