These are all images taken while we were in Portugal. I was still getting into the groove. It’s been a while since I took a lot of pictures. I really get into the swing when we get to Morocco. This shit is great, though. The pigeon bit at the end is pretty rad.
We had a great time in Lisbon. It was pretty and we got a lot of good walking in. My calves are totally ripped, now. Things were reasonably priced and the public transit system was great (except the day when we left and they were striking. That sucked). On the ride to the airport the bus was full and it was both sad and funny to see the looks of bafflement and anguish as the bus sailed by people it was supposed to stop and pick up, but couldn’t, due to the bus being at capacity already.
Lisbon is a beautiful city. The seafood is amazing and ultra fresh. Eats are pretty cheap and they have these little pastries called pastéis de nata.
If you eat one of these, they’ll change your life. You’ll have to start taking insulin and checking your blood sugar 3 times a day. See what I did there? They’ll give you diabetes. They’re fucking good.
We had a great time. I hope everybody has their postcards by now and that you’ve all enjoyed some of the snaps we’ve taken out here. Take it easy and we’ll catch you on the flipside.
Charlie & Vy
This is some thing in Portugal. There’s a way quieter square a couple of miles down the shore from this where the ground is still black from when they burned witches. Get this: Witches aren’t even fucking real. They just burned people they didn’t like as sacrifices to glob and jeebus! Christians are so fucking crazy and can’t believe their bullshit.
It’s pretty, though.
Vy enjoying the sun. I am, of course, burned like a mother fucker, despite that meaningless 30spf I applied.
Horses. Metal horses. That’s how wars are won.
This is the Lisbon Cathedral. The acoustics in here were fucking awesome!
These are organ pipes. For an organ. You’re welcome.
Some vaulty ceilings.
They went nuts with the arches.
Stained glass. Apparently, this shit has gold in it and sunlight passing through gold kills germs. Weird, right?
Symmetry. Kind of.
In death, this midget has a name. That’s what it means to be in Project Mayhem.
This midget has lady parts. She gets to read the same two pages in what, I’m assuming, is a shitty book. It’s probably a bible. If you’ve ever read one of those, you know how fucking boring and stupid they are. Imagine being turned to stone and forced to read the same two pages of that garbage for eternity. She’s probably on one of those, “and Jephat begat Hashem, and Hashem begat Josephus” blocks of text that were intended as an all natural soporific.
Turn to page 16 if you touch the dragon’s ding-dong, turn to page 56 if you want to be done with this fucking book and go outside to play. Except you lady. Your book is stone. You are stuck here forever.
Look long into his face. He’s in infinite battle mode. Until the world falls apart, or Lisbon is swallowed by the earth, he’s ready.
The finger detail is pretty kickass. It’s too bad that it takes Jeebus to make people do beautiful stuff that’s grand in scale.
He’s got a Roman nose and a Greek beard. I bet the two fight it out while he sleeps.
This lady’s cleavage is a little much. Were I their child or something and a tomb maker brought me the sketch for this, I’d be like, “Hey, champ, let’s not pop the tits like that. I know my mom’s a fine woman, but I want her to straddle all of time as a monument, not random dudes down at the Dancer’s Ranch.
More books. Why can’t ladies weild swords?
We actually put a Euro in here for my mom’s soul. She used to pretend to be Catholic and, when she goes to hell, she’s gonna need all the candles she can get.
The top right one and the left-hand side ones are all for you, ma! All for you!
Suddenly, a wild Vy!
Some archways surrounding the cloisters.
The Islamic and Roman ruins underneath a church. How much dirt moves into towns when people aren’t looking? How does this work? And why do people build religious shit on top of older religious shit?
Some tablets. Indiana Jones-style.
Do you like salx (o)?
Vy was really excited to find that there were bones in these kooky stone kinder egg things. Just smash them open and you can reassemble an entire human skeleton (with some help from an adult).
More Dr. Jones writing.
She’s trying to salxo the column.
This looks like Mary is trying to coax J-man into sex but he’s pretending to be asleep. I’ve got some advice, Jeebus: it won’t work. She looks aggressive. She’s gonna keep coming at you until she cums on you.
More ancient shit.
Some more satanic portholes.
Some Roman shit.
Warning: do not feed wild Moses. They are animals and need to not adapt to human interaction. That trick is putting him back. She knows what’s good for her.
Demon bat thing.
This column shows people ascending to heaven. There are some rich merchants on this thing and I notice they are waltzing straight into that fart-farm in the sky, no “needle’s eye” checkpoint. We’ve been lied to.
Saint George? An angel? Who knows. It’s some weak shit, either way. Dragon Slaying 101: don’t dive into the hole where the fire comes out. Idiot.
Another stone box.
Indiana Jones as fuck!
Vy looking out from the thing wiht the thing.
Somebody had demon bats on the mind, eh?
Vy standing in the cloisters.
Mary. Listen. That’s not a real baby. Further, he doesn’t even have arms. You are a danger to yourself and others with that weird potato head of yours…
More Henry Jr. biz.
Guilded gates for mini-chapels
Check the writing atop this business.
Light through some stained glass. Super rad!
Vy, checking out the light.
More floorfall for the stained glass.
This is the window.
More archways… I know, it gets a bit blase after a while, but they’re still pretty cool.
While I was in here, a woman began to sing some Latin business; he just busted out and started doing it. Vy and I sat and listened, and I swear to fucking glob, I started crying. It was so beautiful.
Black and white is way classier. This is where I should have talked about the singing lady. Alas and alack.
Legit tuk-tuks. These are Piaggio Apes. These are touring machines. I really wanna drive one of these a bat shit crazy distance some time.
Friendship corner. Drink it in, assholes.
The sun was right behind this giant phallic symbol. It was great.
The graffito in Lisbon is crazy good. I don’t know what they put in the water or if they condone it, but, man, there is some sumptuous wall art out there.
Durgs, guys. Durgs. They’ll kill you.
I make Vy wear a panda mask all the time, so this image really struck a chord. It’s not a racist thing. I just like pandas.
Vy was sad walking up these stairs. Until…
And for them, it was a holocaust.
This was cuter than it looks, even.
Be vewwy quiet. I’m something something.
Sneaking up on them, casually.
"The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity."
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