Vy – Sweetchuckyb.com

Festivus 2016

In the below gallery, you’ll find all the photos from Christmas this year. If you want higher resolution photos without a watermark, please email me and I’ll sort you out. Click on individual photos to get their name (the first four numbers are the pertinent ones I need to find the photo you want).

We had a good time over the holidays. I got some sweet headphones and a 5tb drive. I’m an adult who is happy to receive presents for the winter equinox.

Rob and I picked on Tri on Xmas Eve (we drug him outside and pushed snow down his shirt). He was super mad. The Xmas Eve photo has been digitally altered to make him smile. He was frowning SUPER hard. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Number one ripper aparter.

This was way less fucked-up-looking when they were moving and not flash frozen.

Immediate family.

Dad’s butt in Santa suit. This caption will definitely not lead to some disappointed googlers finding their way to this photo.

Peanut was jealous of Buddy’s lap.

Jake with more pup than he can handle.

I ate too much and had to lay down.

Peanut frenched me for FIVE MINUTES. No more, no less.

Tri was tuckered out.

Peanut with cape.

This pup can barely Clark Kent, let alone Super, man.

Jake and Toby.

All races of Santa are welcome in our home: black, white, plush, wood.

Kiba making a racist joke about Tri. Kiba’s asian, though, so it’s not racist.

Toby is huge and does whatever he wants.

You can tell my wife took a lot of these because there are millions of dog photos.

This is everyone at Christmas Eve at Mary’s house.

Mom made dad get into embarassing pajamas. They didn’t fit.

Buddy perched on Pat’s lap.

Tri’s the youngest so he has to hand out gifts.

Kally and Colton. Or Coulton. I don’t know. I’ve never seen his name written.

More Toby.

Tri looking overjoyed.

Kally got a Cuisinart. She was way too happy about it.

Tri got a bag stuffed with trash and he was so happy.

Tri getting hosed by Silly String.

Tri unwrapping his own Silly String.

Tri hosing Jake with Silly String.

Jake still getting hosed with Silly String.

And yet more.

Kally hosing me with Silly String.

Still.

Sad and fully festooned with Silly String.

This shit smelled like poison and was wet.

And then I hosed Kally with Silly String. I emptied the bottle in her hair. She had to go home and bathe before they went to Colton’s family’s house. I win.

Vy was happy about this present. She’s happy about a lot of things.

Peanut is as horrified as Vy is joyous.

Jake got SpaceJam. Finally.

Kally barfing about Silly String smell.

Vy holding my shoes or something. I don’t know why this happened. Vy did get Doc Marten’s Lifetime Shoes. Which are awesome.

This is me asking Vy if she’s seen Goonies. She hasn’t. She lived under a rock for a quarter century.

Summer 2016, Embassy’s On The Case

Here are photos that symbolically represent my entire summer this year. Pretty exciting stuff, huh? Thor, Vy and I had a great time out in California working for Embassy running their summer school.

Alejandra and Esme

Clara, from Brazil. She’s going to be a a surgeon so that she can cut people and not get arrested.

The Brazilian kids were rad!

CSUNset

Sophia, maybe?

Julia is super into the Beatles, Gustavo is the slickest dude in the history of rad dudes, and Brena is rad.

I gave the camera to Mariana and she took some glamor shots of everybody.

Mariana’s photo of a dude we worked with.

Pictures of Ana Julia taken by Mariana. This girl loves some Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Seriously. She had had multiple bowls of CTC every day.

Thinking about CTC.

I can’t remember her name… I’m old.

Mariana is still taking photos. I am not taking photos of 15 year old girls all day long, I swear.

Me talking to some Brazilians in LA.

Gabriel and his special lady friend. And Gustavo.

How are we looking?

Clara, somebody, Mariana and Julia.

Magic tricks.

Thu is the one drinking tea. I can’t remember anyone else’s name.

That’s still true. Most of my interaction with these kids was me yelling, “No Vietnamese!”, so it’s not really my fault.

I’ve never seen this succulent bloom before.

Space creatures.

These are totally rad.

Super totally rad.

Ultra-mage super-duper rad.

Kick ass.

Vy guarding something or something. A lady talked to us about Harley Quinn just after this. She acted like Harley Quinn was a thing before the Batman cartoon from the nineties. She wasn’t, people.

These are those weird things from that cave in The Little Mermaid. I didn’t know that they were real.

Space seeds.

Lazer chumps.

Whoa!

Glow bubbles.

Magic globs.

These things glowed and looked just like vaginas. Which is true.

Awesome.

Super awesome.

Wrinkly puss.

Puffer fish, unpuffed.

These guys were rad.

Space horse.

More space horses.

Lucky is a dick. Or Benji. Whoever this is.

Peanut!

Cute little guy.

Gustavo having his picture taken while filming himself. Watch this meta-opera unfold in the next couple of photos.

Is this pain?

Olga and Viktor. Somehow, in Ukraine, they work an “ee” inbetween the “L” and “G” in her name.

Gustavo was my favorite.

Yay! International mingling!

A lot of Brazilians from different groups.

Plus Esme.

Some gummy bears with Clara and Mariana.

Gustavo and Little Joao getting in on the action.

This was the fourth of July party out near some stadium in LA. It was awesome. Except when Alejandra ran away. That sucked. Anyway, this is a photo of what Brazilian people do when there’s more than 5 minutes of quiet.

Italians, Brazilians, it’s like the UN up in here.

This dude is Czech.

Czech girls with Adrian and Leonid.

The Dominican boy, some Brazilians and the two French girls.

This little Vietnamese girl set off the fire alarm on her first day. She cried and it made me sad.

This is Raphaella. She was awesome. She was way too mean for her age, though.

Brazilian girl with Russian group leader.

Alejandra playing with a light sabre.

I showed Mariana how to do long exposures at night. She took photos of the fireworks.

This is the Batcave from the Adam West Batman! More importantly to me, it’s the cave where Ash wakes up in the Director’s Cut of Army of Darkness. Awesome. Alan walked out here with us. It was fun.

This is an actual Tesla coil! Out at the Griffith Observatory. Fun fact: The Griffit Observatory was founded by a man named Griffith Griffith.

LA from far away.

The Hollywood Hills.

We took the long hike up to the sign. It was a huge hassle thanks to the rich people that live around the access road. Thanks for nothing, you entitled turds!

We had fun, though. This is the Czech group. Their leader’s name is Jakub. He was a rad dude.

This is a photo from a Culture Club that I did. It was on photography and these guys were forced to go by their group leader.

We ended up doing portraits and light drawing, because they didn’t care abotu photography. It worked out okay.

Ghosts!

Science!

A Phu To Quoc About

These are the pictures we took at Phu Quoc. It was a combination of fancy and chill. Thanks to Mrs. Thi for footing the bill and thinking of us! We had a great time!

We had just arrived at the glorious VinPearl Island when this photo was taken.

Chau, Ngoc, and Me.

We’re wakling away from the buffet.

Chau and Ngoc walking off somewhere.

Humping.

I dominated this purple dinosaur.

Chau is fucking fabulous.

Still fabulous.

Ngoc and Chau hanging out.

Yay!

Chau, Ngoc and Tien kicking it.

Us on the bouncy drop thing.

Still on the bouncy drop thing.

These are men-sized fish.

This fish is handsome.

Only slightly less handsome.

This fish can levitate UNDER WATER. He is a fucking wizard.

These fish are huge.

This fish sucks.

Megalodon ate me.

Great Horny Toad.

Regular Horny Lizard.

Pink Lizard is pure sex.

Nhi is a fucking card.

Diep was learning how to play Munchkin. Super Munchkin.

Look at that pasty, white frame. Pure masculinity.

We’re all feeling the power of water slides.

Ha, haQ

Post-ride good vibes.

Boo-Boo!

This is us on a slide.

Slightly lower on the slide.

Robot Banana sliding down.

Tien. Also sliding down.

I’m too long for these little sled things. The water shot torrent after torrent at my nuts. It was like Aquaman was doing a speed bag routine on my Heavy D purse.

Boom!

Almost everybody.

Diep. She looks like Tank Girl, here.

These goggles worked a treat.

I don’t know what’s happening here, but I don’t like it.

Nhi being huggy, which is weird.

Ngoc’s daughter. The wild one.

Chau and Tien!

I was napping.

Ngoc’s daughters.

Carrying Diep around near our place.

We walked around for a while.

Tri was politely asked to smile here.

Robot Banana.

Nhi.

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here.

Everyone steeling themselves for the ride ahead.

D-Man and his friends.

Me getting ready for the Sky-Drop.

Diep trying to be brave.

Nhi trying not to barf on a coaster weirdly shaped like a dolphin.

Another in a long series of Nhi making fucked up faces.

Dolphin. I told you.

Diep super excited about horses.

Or giraffes. Whatever.

Me bringing sexy to a horse’s back.

Yay!

Diep was trying to breath Vy’s farts. I don’t know why.

Everybody dancing.

Kittens.

Tri being not excited about a ride.

Weeeee!

Yay!

Nhi got to pilot this bee.

Diep wouldn’t let Vy touch the wheel.

Vy in the cool quiet of the aquarium.

Some sort of cruel joke fish.

This fish was really dramatically lit. Like a bitch.

Fancy goldfish or something.

Cool fish.

Close up.

This blue fish is sexy, too.

A big, coi orgy.

The kids and Vy vs. Megalodon.

Sexy lizard says it’s sexy time.

Sea turtle is older than you.

Lion fish is poison.

Baby lionfish is baby poison.

All these guys….

are looking for this guy.

Eel orgy.

Debauched.

Space spider yearns for your vital fluids.

And your love.

Thi and I cavorting IN FRONT OF OUR SPOUSES. Shameful.

Boredom.

Boredom destroyed!

These birds are chill as fuck.

See?

Even askance, he’s rad.

Munchkins in Vietnam

The following are photos of the kiddos Vy and I live with in Vietnam. These photos were taken in Da Lat late last year when we took a big trip there and then right after Tet Holiday in a brief visit we paid to the house while we were staying with Vy’s grandma.

Mrs. Chau in this maze hidden in this weird ass’d cafe in Da Lat. Totally worth wandering around for an hour.

Vy in the blackness of the maze.

People actually live inside the maze.

Like, there are homes hidden in it.

Hobbits? Is that why Vy is smiling? Hobbits?

Kevin, David and Robot Banana

We made it to the top of the place after some struggling.

Nhi making an approriate face.

Abandoned gift shop.

This is a giant cement tiger at the abandoned TIger Cave Falls park. Best waterfall in Vietnam. But, that’s only because it’s abandoned.

Butt stuff.

Vy! Look at them legs!

Ow!

Slightly sexier.

This is the tiger cave where the tigers are purported to have lived.

Kevin surveying the waterfall.

Kevin and waterfall.

This is the falls.

Nhi, still making appropriate faces.

Nice photo for once, Nhi!

The boys. Tri always looks 1,000 years old in photos.

Vy!

Vy and me.

Ms. Ngoc and her children!

Same

Waterfall from the top.

If the park weren’t abandoned, the trash pile here would be 10Xs larger.

Ah! Vietnam’s natural beauty!

The waterfall from the bottom.

It’s pretty!

Vy watching the kids. Fucking creeper…

Nhi washing her feet off.

Vy and Chau

Me and Chau! She likes me less than Vy and I’ve known her for way longer. Life’s a bitch.

Some shrubbery.

Kevin and the waterfall.

Kevin and I scrambled along this wall.

Small fall.

Same.

Rocks.

The kids on top of the falls. This was a little dangerous, but the kids were super badass’d about it.

The pool at the bottom of the falls.

Nhi and Kevin

The kids frolicking in the falls.

Tri and RB are splashing.

Diep being ladylike or something? I don’t know.

Time to cut out!

Chau and Diep

Nhi, dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.

Tri, looking like a dip.

Me, the same.

Make sure your translatoin dictionary isn’t racist.

Wait… is this describing him or what he hunts?

Dave.

Nhi.

Dave and Nhi.

Nhi.

Vy and the kids.

Tri always tastes food like he’s making out with it HARD.

Boo-Boo.

Vy and Diep

Boo-Boo and Mrs. Thi

This is from Tet. Nhi is rubbing lucky money on her face for good luck.

This is the family that we’re staying with in Nam. The Vo Family, I guess you’d say? Names are weird in VN.

Face rubbing and Chau and Diep making faces.

Me and everybody.

Glob, I’m white. This is the best photo. Less ugly, somehow.

This is the Birth of Man recreation we worked for months to make happen. Diep farted on Tri right when this photo was taken.

Vy and the family!

Vy and Chau

Mr. Tien is taking a photo of a small, flowering bansai. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of him taking a picture of it.

E’rbody.

We were all trying to dance and do that one thing from Dirty Dancing, but Diep couldn’t not be ticklish for FIVE SECONDS.

Still can’t do it.

Almost there.

Closer…..

Nope. That’s not it at all.

She can’t let go.

I love this photo. Nhi is trying to show Diep how she’s supposed to hold her arms. It’s really funny.

Roadtrip to Ha Tien

We took nine days to drive to Ha Tien and back. Our original goal was the southern-most tip of Nam, but as with most things, changes and mistakes were made. We rolled with it and eventually got to some good biz. We visited many of Vy’s family and family friends along the way. Josh accompanied us for about half the trip. No injuries occurred, which is great. My bike did have a piston failure, but it was a quick, cheap fix. The pictures are pretty neat. Enjoy!

Josh checking his gear status as we set out.

A couple of hours otutside of HCMC, tragedy struck. My piston had a soft seizure and required a new head and rings.

When I’m sufficiently hot, I look like a drag queen getting ready for a big night.

Josh looks like a skinny Theo.

Vy’s pants can give you seizures.

This motherfucker tried to sell us an Icee.

Stuck in this town overnight due to my bike troubles, we made do and walked through a park that evening.

Weird

Us waiting for 7 hours at a cafe for a repair to happen.

Fear not, the repairhappened. And it happened by this man’s hands. Wait. That man’s hands. On the right.

His hands. He refused to smile, but I made him do it. I’m a dick.

A house behind’s Vy’s Ba Noi’s house. Looks like a Swiss thing.

Us walking around the neighborhood near Vy’s Ba Noi’s.

A tree.

A gate. Oh, yeah, this shit is all near My Tho.

Josh and I walking in the distance.

The tally man was coming to tally these coconuts.

Josh and I walking down a street.

A really Chinese-looking house.

Josh eating cold ice cream. I’d like to point out that Josh doesn’t wear diapers or require adult supervision. All of the photos I’ve posted of him so far from this trip are not flattering. I’m sorry, Josh.

Vy and her grandma. Ba Noi is tearing squids up like they’ve wronged her. I’d never seen a squid gutted. It was weird.

Josh looking normal. There you go. A normal photo of Josh.

Vy relaxing on a boat tour of the islands around Ben Tre.

A writhing bee orgy.

Vy communing with bees.

Me investigating.

These fuckers were docile. Which is weird.

This banana tree’s flower stalk made me feel inadequate.

Salome, charming the snake.

Vy was way more freaked out by this snake than she let on.

Skin detail. This beefcake was huge.

He was really gripping my neck and shoulders. It’s weird how powerful boas are without appendages. I would have assumed that they could only grip when coiled around something, but they use their body as leverage against other parts of their body.

This poor, put-upon horse.

Josh letting small horse dominance wash over him.

This is the actual dog from The Little Rascals. He’s undying.

Some fruits.

I wore this non-ironically for several minutes.

Vy is asian.

She thinks she’s better than you.

White people naturally feel guilty when wearing regional clothes for “fun”. I don’t know why people slap these on people. I mean, in this situation, we needed the sun protection, but you know what I’m talking about. An Egyptian tour guide slapping a turban on you for a photo is far more likely to elicit shame than fun.

This man puts the grind to the coconut.

He doesn’t drink ’em both up, though. He takes this coconut meat/shell slurry and wraps it in cheese cloth.

Then he squeezes the whole biz.

Then he takes the resultant sauce and slowly heats it while folding the mixture.

The biz is then dried and chopped up, like so.

Then these ladies sit ALL DAY LONG and fold thousands of these things up into candy packages. Surely, a robot could do this way faster and less cruelly.

Finished product! You can’t smell the labor!

This is an aborted attempt at a Bond-villain’s lair. The pictures don’t do it justice in terms of conveying the Bond-villain bit. Take my word, keep an eye out if you’re on this tour and imagine what kind of machinations a place like this could conjur in a body.

A tree. With ribbons on it. It is lucky because of the ribbons, before you ask. Because the ribbons.

Something meant to foil Bond’s efforts or perhaps launch an earth-threatening satellite?

Something about something.

A giant column on a topographical relief map made by a mad man.

This dude is cooking “dragon’s eggs” which are hollow balls of rice. I ordered one, but never recieved it. Ah, Vietnam, your service industry sucks more than any other country’s service industry. VN#1!

Cooking these weird spheres.

Tongue kissing a jack fruit. Upon reflection, I wonder: was the jack off?

Crocodile orgy.

Anger!

A flash-fried fish. You can see the look of surprise burned onto his little face.

This is a coconut grub. It was so sweet! Really delicious, but not warm. It would have been better warm.

Hydration is key.

Josh with woman contemplating a jewelry purchase in the background.

Same.

This is Vy’s mom’s buddy. He was cool.

Josh displaying his fruits.

These fruits are called “boobs” or something in Vietnamese.

These fruits provided us with several minutes of infantile fun.

This bitch is heavy with child and ready to pop.

Vy’s Uncle Hoa and his wife, Hong. They were really nice and took excellent care of us!

We went out for breakfast in the morning and ate on a boat.

This is the coffee shop that Hoa and Hong own and run. The boy is Louis, our nephew.

Josh is 100% comfortable with this.

Everybody. Josh is doing a standard VN pose.

a shot of us approaching the suspension bridge between Vinh Long and Can Tho.

People parking on a fucking suspension highway bridge. I can’t begin to describe the lack of attention paid to safety by the mentally deficient people they give licenses to here.

Kites for sale!

Yay!

Sitting beside the river and shooting the shit.

Sundown over Can Tho.

Josh and I looking at photos of a roadtrip we took several years ago.

Us searching alley ways for a small, private boat.

A boat we passed on the way to the floating market. It’s fucking 5 in the morning, by the way.

We got a floating breakfast.

This lady made soup, which seems like something not suited for eating on a small boat, but everybody was donig it and you know me.

These images fail to capture how small and frail our boat was.

This boat tried to kill us after this shot. It tried to smash us between another giant boat.

These are the floating market at Can Tho.

People hawing bananas and coconuts and biz.

Really cool shot of a boats propeller.

Same.

I got obsessed with propellers.

House boats.

Propellers.

This lady making a coconut wrap-up thing.

Steaming the coconut paper.

Here’s a wrap thing in the process of being rolled.

These are delicious.

These are the finished wrap things.

Teddy bears have picnics. Corocdiles have orgies. It’s just how nature works.

Vy was entranced by the nippled on this bitch.

Dog racing, VN style.

They’re off!

These pigs are for racing, not eating. Though, they probably get eaten eventually.

This is called Sewer Bread, in Vietnamese.

This is how it’s made.

This is our breakfast the next morning.

Josh had to cut out back to HCMC to get to his wife.

We had a good trip with Josh. Unfortunately for him

This was our first stop after getting out of Can Tho. It’s a giant lake with some temple stuff around it. There was a 50 degree vertical road that I wanted to drive the scooter up, but my wife was too much of a puss. Being married only sucks when you want to do something and your spouse doesn’t. If We were dating, I’d have just broken up with her until we got to the top, then, after she finished crying out of fear for her life, I would have unbroken up with her. She would have been fine with this.

Cambodian-looking columns

sexy tree.

More sexy tree. Je t’aime, tree. Je t’aime.

Notice the satellite dish stuck to the old column.

These glacially deposited rocks were complete beef cakes. If I were a rock, I would want to be these rocks, but I’d likely be some lame, sickly rock with a large nose I inherited from my mother. Fuckin’ rock mom.

Driving around farmers rather than THROUGH farmers is a good life skill. Farmers kill.

Vy at a bánh xèo place. It was, handily, the best bánh xèo I’ve ever had.

Vy’s happy because the bánh xèo is so good.

The drinks were only okay.

The lady running the place talked for an hour (no exaggeration) about how great she was. Had the bánh xèo not been good it would have been intolerable.

She grew all the veggies (more than I’ve ever had before at any restaurant in my entire life) in her yard next door. It was late when we were eating, but behind Vy there is a garden. That’s where all this delicious shit comes from. Awesome.

Vy and I went to Tra Su forest. It was rad.

The boat was giong at a nice clip and I was enjoying myself.

This is either a Titanic thing or an omage to Michael Jacksons “Black or White”

At the top of a firewatch tower. There was a little coin operated binnocular thing that was non-functional and a Vietnamese government worker sleeping while his busted’ass’d cell phone speaker blared out embarrassingly shitty VN ballads. The forest could be actively engulfed in flames and all of those things would still be true.

Vy doing something on a trail or something. Maybe fire ants were biting her ass?

We drove to Ha Tien and took a stretch break at the docks. Really pretty.

This gutted ship was rotting in a small man-made inlet.

This trash eddy is a uniquely third world thing. This is super countryside. There aren’t many people out here. But the people who ARE out her hate not having trash in the water. They fucking hate it.

Such trash.

A catholic church.

They were doing some serious rebuilding. It looks like the entrance and steeple are all that’s original. Everything else was beign rebuilt.

Cool dock behind some houses.

The beach at Ha Tien. That broken rock pile on the left is the shattered remnants of the “Father nd Son” rock (or whatever it is called). It collapsed in 2004.

Some dried ocean chunklets.

Vy on the beach.

I like this photo a lot.

Another boat carcass. I’ve never seen so many dead boats just left to rot. It’s fucked up that somebody would just leave that shit. So fucking selfish.

Vy waiting for me to get back to the bike. I’m standing on a pile of discarded shells next to a shanty restaurant. The shell pile is easily 5 feet high as the shanty owners have been dumping their trash in the same place for years. It’s a feather’s throw from their restaurant. Such…. what is wrong with these people?