5 Years Later, 8 Years Ago

I went to visit the Smiths/Nicholsons 5 years after we met in New Zealand and took these photos. It was the first time I’d been to England as an adult. It was a lot of fun and these rascals made it all possible. Thanks for hosting me all those years ago, y’all! XOX

Greg and Jesse, kind enough to take me all the way to the airport.

The pasta was good. I reminded me of when I was a small child and I got noodle dick, though, so I cried while I ate it.

I don't remember being sex-trafficked, but I must have been, given this photo.

British people are totally un-embarassed about their place names. I lived near a fingeringhoe road. That's real. People drive by is every day.

"Be the lion," I said. And then, like that, they transformed into proud lions right before my eyes. I was hypnotized. How had they achieved this marvelous transformation?

I think this was the first time I saw the Royal Albert Hall. No holes.

The guy chased me away from this store; apparently people have taken a lot of photos of his sign. I don't know why.

If anyone out there is looking for some guests, Paloma and Jesse are just the perfect guests. I'd encourage anyone to invite them into their homes.

Soirai in repose.

Playing some billiards.

Such majesty.

Always peacocks.

This guy had a bad case of noodle dingdong. I had this when I was a child. My mother had to bathe me in tomato sauce for 3 weeks before I recovered.

Einstein had a penis (I'm fairly sure). He was, famously, a polygamist and not very nice to the women in his life.

I know, I know: no penis. BUT, this lady is pretty great.

Shield-surfing on the backs of peasants.

What the stories don't mention is that, when Achilles' mom gave him the dip, she was holding him like he was the grossest thing in the world. I'd also like to point out that her forearms must be absolutely shredded to suspend a wriggling baby by its foot with one hand. She must have either played speed metal guitar or been a compulsive masturbator.

While this isn't a penis, this child (?) is growing stuff from its head, which is notable.

A series of marble penises.

I want to have the kind of power where you can walk around naked and a dude with a conch blocks my genitals from anyone's view who might be too sensitive. That's power. And dignity.

"If it's not a Jesse Brand Euthanasia Machine, you might as well be killing yourself with rusty butter knife."

I'm pretty sure this is what Cousin It drove.

You fucking know….

Greg and Jesse being social approximately 6 inches off the ground. Things are better when you're high.

Greg being social.

This was some good curry.

Licking a depiction of the queen wearing a feather/eye hat is illegal on days ending with 'y' in the UK. This is Greg and Jesse flaunting the law.

Scary? No, these fuckers are terrifying.

Conspiracy theory designer.

MTV man.

Obviously, a medusa. I'm using the term in the same way one might use "a dracula."

Statues at a museum. A really odd collection. I wonder who decided what would be included and what their rubric was.

Went to college with this dude. Apparently, he got into it with some sailors and now spends all his time being a statue in a museum. I tried to throw coins at him, but he didn't react. Really good living statue. 5 Stars.

I don't know who wore it better, but I know who's still extant. Draw your own conclusions, I suppose.

This is the Tate Modern as seen at night from the bottom.

Knightrider was a cool guy's name who had a cool car with AI in it. He also owned a pub or something or maybe a street? I don't know how England works.

Greg looking like Kryten from Red Dwarf or Popeye from Popeye. Take your pick.

I've gotten used to riding buses in London, but I never see Gregs on them anymore.

Soirai hiding behind the OJ and her fingers. Again, everybody gets okay with photos in a while, I promise.

Greg in repose.

Soirai didn't want her picture taken, either. No one really does until they do. This is the sad truth of photography. You take pictures of people that they don't want until some time has passed. You're doing a thing in the moment for a future version of yourself and others.

A wild Jesse stumbled upon will startle easily, back away slowly and it will go back to strumming, humming or philosophizing in its own time.

I met Greg and Jesse on the tube. I think I was coming to the UK for Stu's wedding or something? Nah, this is too early. Shit, I just remembered, I have more pictures of the Smiths/Nicholsons. From when I came for Stu's wedding. Alright. Back to the vaults.